Zodicrap!

It’s time for me to use this blog as a soap box for my own personal ranting I feel.

First up, star signs. Seriously? Star signs? Are you a medieval witch hunter? “Oh my god he was born under the seventh moon he must be a leader of great men”…bollox! In my (not so) humble opinion people who believe in this stuff are just looking for a deeper meaning in something that is purely coincidental.

Par example, I am a Leo and while I do have some of the characteristic (I tend to prefer leading to following and I’m quite proud of myself in all I do whether it’s justified or not) other traits that I’m supposed to posses because of the time of year I was born at I don’t have at all. Athena Starwoman (I doubt that’s her real name) says “Once a Lion is committed to a relationship, they are totally devoted and faithful. Should their heart or trust be broken they never forgive or forget. When a relationship breaks down (even a long standing one) they can disappear into the sunset without a backward look. Leos can cut ties, and leave others heartbroken, but usually there is a good reason why they have broken a tryst. For a Leo, when a relationship is over, really over, it is over for good.”

Now, I’m not entirely sure of this but I’m fairly confident in the fact that is very much not me. In fact I believe the opposite is true of men and anyone that knows me will tell you that I cling to relationships like the toilet paper clings to a drunk girl’s heel in a night club.

And I’m also stubborn, am prone to violent mood alterations (sometimes I just wanna cuddle ok??), sometimes I’m seriously motivated and other times I could go days without moving except for scratching myself. If these were accurate I think I should now be called a Aurusiminicanlevirrapioariusicorniussces.

But honestly, this is like people who believe in Tarot cards and the tooth fairy. Stop it, just stop you’re only embarrassing yourself now.

Ok rant over 🙂 On a positive note I bought a new car today, let’s hope I have more luck with this one or by the power of Thor I will raise the Kraken and destroy this giant turtle we all live on called earth.

Hey if you can believe in star signs…

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I am man, hear me quietly whimper.

Forgive me readers for I have sinned, it’s been four days since I last blogged.

This isn’t easy for me to admit and I know that in many of your eyes I will be a far lesser man after I admit this. I, Ben Harrison, being of sound body and mind broke the bro code in a most heinous way.

I saw sex and the city 2.

Hang on a second before you stop reading. I was (due to my yes man status) obliged to go when asked. Afterwards I realised I should have said no due to the fact that it in fact caused my eyes and ears physical harm.

Now I’m not one to completely lambaste a film if it’s not good but this “film” (if you can even call it that) actually made me angry. There was no story line at all, the characters were ridiculous, the women in the cinema would not stop whooping and singing along. (for god’s sake it’s the cinema not a concert and since when does the cinema serve alcopops?) and it was TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONG.

In fact the only thing I laughed at in this film was how rubbery and snake like Liza Minelli was (that was more laughing at her trying to dance than anything though).

I’m all for female empowerment as long as there’s sandwiches involved. Just joking ladies*.

This film defies logic. In short I was phycially ill after watching it. My accomplice on that evening was sat in complete wonder at the moronic and stupidly prepubescent problems that these women were going through and the only time her gaze left the screen was to draw an extremely audible breath (bordering on moans of sexual pleasure) when the Australian rugby team showed up in their speedos. Or to quickly shout out “Oh my God I want Charlotte’s shoes.” 

I understand that this film has its place and I don’t expect women to enjoy the male equivelant of these type of films (the expendables is out August 13th) but at least these films will have men that the female viewers can fantasize about. Whats is there in SATC? Kim Catrall looked like some sort of dried up lizard alien and Sarah Jessica Parker was looking even more horselike than ever.

The four “girls” (I’m still not convinced) doing karaoke was so cringe worthy I gently rolled over and snored a little louder apparently.

The thing that summed up how awful this movie was for me is when Carrie admitted to Big (what a ridiclous name) that she smooched her ex on holidays…and he bought her a wedding ring!! Seriously? Not even a demand of extremely rough make up sex. Very unrealistic.

Despite the shaky start to my first weekend as a Yes Man the rest of it turned out pretty good. Friday night myself, my fellow Yes Man and a very good mutual friend went for a drive. The idea was to go find that place next to the view point where it looks as if your car is moving back up the hill when you take your foot off the clutch (first time I heard of it too.) However getting lost and ending up driving down a lane narrower than the car at 80 miles an hour with a horse jumping out at us made the evening slightly more entertaining to say the least. I actually thought it was the road from “Last house on the left” and I was genuinely terrified we would find the house from shrooms and get raped by some inbred mountain hick.

Out until 2 and then in work for 7…fun times. Saturday was a barbeque with the work crowd and me playing taxi for some lovely people.  And Sunday was a long lovely drive with the special woman, pretty good all in all.

Paintballing thursday, hurling training at some point and Bear Grylls camping with a case of Desperados is on the cards for the next few days…should be fun.   

*hey guys I’m not joking at all I just thought the little starry thing would confuse them and they won’t read this.

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