Archive for June, 2010

Sure why wouldn’t ya?

We’ve all been there at some stage or another (unfortunately some might say), 3 euro drinks, metal blaring from all the speakers, a smoking area reeking of weed and actually fuller than the inside of the club. Ah it could only be Fibber’s on a Thursday night.

Bustling through the crowd of hair, bandanas and eye make up (and that’s just the guys) I struggled to get to the bar. Placed my order politely and was met with an incredulous tone of facial expression “yes I did order six bottles of Desperados is that ok?” Jeez some people.

Shuffled my way back to the table to deliver my round to the lads, sweating profusely might I add, and at the table next to us is a gentleman wearing a long black overcoat and a top hat. Just why?

Meeting several people that I hadn’t seen in many years (I used to be a big metal head but realised I looked ridiculous in skinny jeans and chains so I definitely could pull that shit off any more) and realised that no one has changed.

Back to the bar. More bottles of Despie. Shots of sambuka. More shots of sambuka. Things were starting to blur at this stage, my t-shirt was so sweat soaked that it felt like I wore it in the shower. Sat down and top hat, long coat guy is still in full “mad hatter” attire not a bead of sweat on his freakishly pale face. Damn him and his ability to withstand horrendous heat. Downstairs for a bit of a mosh to Rage screaming “fuck you I won’t do what you tell me” like I was fifteen all over again…fantastic.

Why is it that when men are raging out to songs like that they feel compelled to take their t-shirts off no matter how godawful they look with their hair down to their arse and the potbelly on show?

Triple H spraying beer over the crowd of “dancers” was something I enjoyed watching, people were confused as to where it was coming from, I laughed.

More Despies. More shots. And a Kopparberg mixed berry that one of the lads coaxed a girl that we had never seen before into giving us for no apparent reason (just remembered that there, don’t you just love hangover flashbacks?).

Something’s ringing a bell about a bet involving and older lady, twenty euro and acts that I simply cannot post on here and then going outside twenty minutes later through the cloud of hairspray and skinny jeans to see her involved in some equally horrific, publicly indecent behaviour with a skin head. Only in Fibber’s I tell ya.

Then came the long walk down O’Connell street to Burger King. Harry limping (I still don’t know why, don’t think he does either). Ordering my food and sprite (what came out was actually fizzy water) and Harry refusing to leave until they gave us coke instead, I never did get that Coke by the way.

Vaguely recall someone, I’m not entirely sure who, running up and down the quays trying to find a taxi that would take 7 of us to Lucan and Celbridge. Next thing I know I wake up without opening my eyes and thinking “hey this isn’t as bad as I anticipated” then opening my eyes and feeling my retinas turn to ash inside my own head. Love hangovers….hate that sarcasm doesn’t translate well over text.

In bed, dying, listening to a bit o’ Lynrd Skynrd…much more my style.

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Zodicrap!

It’s time for me to use this blog as a soap box for my own personal ranting I feel.

First up, star signs. Seriously? Star signs? Are you a medieval witch hunter? “Oh my god he was born under the seventh moon he must be a leader of great men”…bollox! In my (not so) humble opinion people who believe in this stuff are just looking for a deeper meaning in something that is purely coincidental.

Par example, I am a Leo and while I do have some of the characteristic (I tend to prefer leading to following and I’m quite proud of myself in all I do whether it’s justified or not) other traits that I’m supposed to posses because of the time of year I was born at I don’t have at all. Athena Starwoman (I doubt that’s her real name) says “Once a Lion is committed to a relationship, they are totally devoted and faithful. Should their heart or trust be broken they never forgive or forget. When a relationship breaks down (even a long standing one) they can disappear into the sunset without a backward look. Leos can cut ties, and leave others heartbroken, but usually there is a good reason why they have broken a tryst. For a Leo, when a relationship is over, really over, it is over for good.”

Now, I’m not entirely sure of this but I’m fairly confident in the fact that is very much not me. In fact I believe the opposite is true of men and anyone that knows me will tell you that I cling to relationships like the toilet paper clings to a drunk girl’s heel in a night club.

And I’m also stubborn, am prone to violent mood alterations (sometimes I just wanna cuddle ok??), sometimes I’m seriously motivated and other times I could go days without moving except for scratching myself. If these were accurate I think I should now be called a Aurusiminicanlevirrapioariusicorniussces.

But honestly, this is like people who believe in Tarot cards and the tooth fairy. Stop it, just stop you’re only embarrassing yourself now.

Ok rant over 🙂 On a positive note I bought a new car today, let’s hope I have more luck with this one or by the power of Thor I will raise the Kraken and destroy this giant turtle we all live on called earth.

Hey if you can believe in star signs…

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I am man, hear me quietly whimper.

Forgive me readers for I have sinned, it’s been four days since I last blogged.

This isn’t easy for me to admit and I know that in many of your eyes I will be a far lesser man after I admit this. I, Ben Harrison, being of sound body and mind broke the bro code in a most heinous way.

I saw sex and the city 2.

Hang on a second before you stop reading. I was (due to my yes man status) obliged to go when asked. Afterwards I realised I should have said no due to the fact that it in fact caused my eyes and ears physical harm.

Now I’m not one to completely lambaste a film if it’s not good but this “film” (if you can even call it that) actually made me angry. There was no story line at all, the characters were ridiculous, the women in the cinema would not stop whooping and singing along. (for god’s sake it’s the cinema not a concert and since when does the cinema serve alcopops?) and it was TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONG.

In fact the only thing I laughed at in this film was how rubbery and snake like Liza Minelli was (that was more laughing at her trying to dance than anything though).

I’m all for female empowerment as long as there’s sandwiches involved. Just joking ladies*.

This film defies logic. In short I was phycially ill after watching it. My accomplice on that evening was sat in complete wonder at the moronic and stupidly prepubescent problems that these women were going through and the only time her gaze left the screen was to draw an extremely audible breath (bordering on moans of sexual pleasure) when the Australian rugby team showed up in their speedos. Or to quickly shout out “Oh my God I want Charlotte’s shoes.” 

I understand that this film has its place and I don’t expect women to enjoy the male equivelant of these type of films (the expendables is out August 13th) but at least these films will have men that the female viewers can fantasize about. Whats is there in SATC? Kim Catrall looked like some sort of dried up lizard alien and Sarah Jessica Parker was looking even more horselike than ever.

The four “girls” (I’m still not convinced) doing karaoke was so cringe worthy I gently rolled over and snored a little louder apparently.

The thing that summed up how awful this movie was for me is when Carrie admitted to Big (what a ridiclous name) that she smooched her ex on holidays…and he bought her a wedding ring!! Seriously? Not even a demand of extremely rough make up sex. Very unrealistic.

Despite the shaky start to my first weekend as a Yes Man the rest of it turned out pretty good. Friday night myself, my fellow Yes Man and a very good mutual friend went for a drive. The idea was to go find that place next to the view point where it looks as if your car is moving back up the hill when you take your foot off the clutch (first time I heard of it too.) However getting lost and ending up driving down a lane narrower than the car at 80 miles an hour with a horse jumping out at us made the evening slightly more entertaining to say the least. I actually thought it was the road from “Last house on the left” and I was genuinely terrified we would find the house from shrooms and get raped by some inbred mountain hick.

Out until 2 and then in work for 7…fun times. Saturday was a barbeque with the work crowd and me playing taxi for some lovely people.  And Sunday was a long lovely drive with the special woman, pretty good all in all.

Paintballing thursday, hurling training at some point and Bear Grylls camping with a case of Desperados is on the cards for the next few days…should be fun.   

*hey guys I’m not joking at all I just thought the little starry thing would confuse them and they won’t read this.

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